Monday, January 19, 2009

The death of a loved one :(

A week ago tomorrow morning my dear grandma died. I believe she was 94 or close to it. I was unable to attend the funeral due to family obligations here. I'm still not really believing it because if I let reality hit, I will just flood my house with tears. Now both sets of grandparents are gone. My dad's mom died just shortly after I was married, so about 20 yrs ago. Then about 5yrs later my grandpa died. I was close to my grandma so that one was hard. But as the yrs have gone on, I've survived.

Then about 7yrs ago my mom's dad got really sick and after almost 6 or 7 months of being really sick and 1 or 2 months of pretty much sleeping all the time, he passed away. That one was hard for me since I'm more close to my mom's parents than my dad's. I was able to attend that funeral on my own, but was sad that my dh and kids weren't there. My grandpa was always a happy guy. He taught himself how to play the harmonica and could he play it. Makes me want to cry just remembering it. He could also yoddle very well. Loved listening to him sing and play for hours. All the grandkids would scramble to sit on his lap or just be near him. So when he passed away we were all sad.

Well now to the present. A few weeks ago I was emailing with my aunt, who has basically been in charge of my grandparents finances since my grandpa became ill, and she mentioned that my grandma had been sick again and this time was now in the nursing home. She didn't sound too optimitistic that she would be able to go home. So when I received the email last Wed morning that she had passed away, I pretty much dismissed it after I forwarded it to my dh. Easier to handle things that way.

Later on that afternoon my dh called to check on me. Asked me if I wanted to fly out on my own. I told him I had thought about it, but with our busy weekend happening I just didn't think it was fair to leave him on his own with the kids. Now, had the weather been nicer I might have considered it, meaning he could kick the kids outside for a bit to let out steam. But as it was last weekend we had -30 temp. During the day it was 0 and sometimes 2 or 3. So I told him I just didn't think I should. Part of me wishes I had gone, but part of me knows that dh would have struggled with things here.

So I've been trying to post and say something, but I've been trying not to so I wouldn't lose it. Now I have no grandparents, my dad is gone and I suspect sometime this yr or next that my mom will be called home. She has MS and has had it for at least 30 some odd yrs. She has done remarkably well and even after her and my dad divorced 20yrs ago, she lived on her own for 10yrs. Just before she ended up in the nursing home, she was starting to have leg issues. I won't go into all the details. But now 7yrs later, she is where she will be until she goes. I know she will be much better off when she goes, but I'm being selfish and need her. Somedays I'm more willing to let nature do what needs to be done than other times, but right now I just need to know she's still with us. Please pray that when it is her time, I will have the strength to let her go and still take care of my family.

Thanks for reading this far.


Tricia said...

Keeping you in my prayers Karie.

Karies place said...

Thanks Tricia

Mrs. Brooke said...

I'm sorry Karie...

Karies place said...

Thanks Mrs. Brooke